My Iboga Quest

A voyage to connect with the inner wisdom

A few months after I left my homeland of Israel and found myself settling with my family in Tepoztlán, Mexico, I had to find a way to make a living in a new country, without knowledge of the local language. Working in my field as an actor and filmmaker didn’t seem to be realistic, so I started selling food. I always liked cooking and was quite good at it, but never in my life did I think it would become my day job.

Call it fate, call it destiny, call it the Universe, God or the Iboga spirit, but a customer that liked my lasagna recommended me as a chef to Barry Rossinoff, the father figure, founder and live spirit behind Iboga Quest,  a center located in my village. When I opened my restaurant in the beautiful valley of our village, Barry and his colleague Chris Root met me at my new place to talk. We hit it off from the start and I got the gig – a gig that became a life line for my family and the main reason I was able to grow my business and my new career as a chef.

What Is Iboga

This specific center works with Ibogaine- an extract from the African Iboga root. African hunters used to use it as a sense enhancer before hunting, and it is still used in ceremonies around the world for inducing dreamlike states with vivid visions and hallucinations. Modern research discovered that this substance is really effective in treating patients with addiction and post-traumatic stress. More breakthrough discoveries show that it is also very useful in healing Parkinson’s and other neurological problems. Since it is efficient and safe (under specific conditions) it is illegal in the United States, Israel and other “first world” countries. In Mexico it is not regulated and it is in a grey legal area, that’s why there are some iboga treatments centers in the country.

The retreat this center offers lasts eight days in an incredible spot within the magical village of Tepoztlán. Besides two ibogaine trips, the retreat also includes other relaxing activities and the guidance of a whole-hearted professional crew of caregivers and medical experts. The substance does come with some risks, and for that reason the around-the-clock supervision (by some of the nicest people I have ever met in my life) is important during the ibogaine dosing sessions. All through those eight days the crew and the patients are being fed healthy, home-cooked meals prepared by my crew and myself.

In the last year and a half, I saw countless patients come and go. Some of them return again, some of them come to treat their addiction, some want to deal with their traumas hunting them, and some come on a spiritual journey. Each had a different experience, but from my view, I saw them come very nervous, anxious, some in a very bad shape, and come out as enlighted, healthier, and happier people after a life changing experience.  For a year and a half, I was promised I’ll be next to try it and understand better what they’re going through, and eventually it happened at the most accurate timing possible.

Personal growth

Fortunately for me, I had a much better experience in Israel than I thought I would. As a matter of fact, it felt more like a healing procedure, after leaving the country with a lot of anger and rage. The day after my return to Mexico, I was privileged to take part in a peyote ceremony which was a very meaningful and powerful experience for me. I came out of it full of gratitude and love for all I have. I didn’t think I needed the iboga for a while, so I didn’t push it and didn’t ask for it. I kept on reading the book and working on becoming a better version of myself.

That’s why when eventually they approached to me to tell it is finally my turn, I wasn’t that excited and even thought maybe I don’t need or want it. I thought it over, and the main reason I decided to do it was the accurate timing – during my 45^th birth period. I refer to the time between my Gregorian birthdate of March 3^rd and my Hebrew birthday of March 15^th as my birth period. Not knowing it, they offered me to do the Iboga on the 6^th.  I figured that when the Universe, God or the Iboga spirit puts an auspiciously-timed gift like this in your lap, you humbly accept it.

On the morning of my birthday, I spilled my guts out, literally. I vomited all the poisons I consumed the day before in a water park we went with the kids, along with all the industrial snacks we ate before going to bed. This cleansing led me to a semi fasting of a few days before the ibogaine experience. I was ordered not to consume any alcohol at least 5 days before that, so I took it a bit further and didn’t consume almost anything except water and tea. Right before my trip to Israel I stopped smoking tobacco (again), and a few days before the iboga I smoked my last puff of cannabis.

The night before, I finished the book in a perfect timing as well, and I came to the experience as clean as possible. This might be the explanation for the relatively smooth ride I had. All through the night I was able to write a quest journal which I’ll share here, word by word (translated from Hebrew).

Iboga Quest Journal

“When I arrived to the house all was very calm and relaxed. I played the guitar a little bit with Chris, drank some tea, and did a short meditation in the sun. My vitals were taken, I underwent a medical examination, and ECG and blood tests were all perfect. (They don’t take any risks there, that’s is why they never had a tragedy in the center). We did a short cleansing ceremony with copal incense and I got the first pill. Each patient gets his specific dose according to his weight.”

“It’s supposed to take effect within 20 minutes. I don’t really know what to expect, and if I will be able to write in this journal… we’ll see”

“After a short meditation I feel as if I’m starting to feel things. I was missing the music I was promised, so I came out of my room to ask for the mp3. I felt not so stable especially because of the small step at the entrance of the room… Juanita brought me the device, I’m not sure the whole playlist is tuned to healing frequencies, but it is still nice to hear some music, and not only the silence. I’ll lay down and see what will happen…”

“Meanwhile, the music made me think of an amazing opening sequence to a film I dream of making one day… the minute I started writing Juanita came in the check my vitals and give me the second pill. There are four in total. Up to now It feels like the rest I’ve so badly needed. I’m lying in bed, in the middle of the day. I don’t need to do anything except lie down and listen to music. No guilt, no commitments – a real retreat. Only a slight headache and dizziness that makes the way to the bathroom a bit shaky.”

“Suddenly there is a song in Hebrew- Haleluya- praise the Lord. Slight nausea that becomes worse with every movement. But I still haven’t got to puking. Writing doesn’t really help of course…”

“The minute I put down the notebook Juanita came in to check my vitals again and to give me one more capsule. She brought with her a present in the shape of the beautiful Nienke, which warmed my heart.”

“After the third pill I’m starting to see things. My hand, I saw it like never before, not even in the peyote – some kind of net that covers something red. Kind of a strobe motion effect when the hand moves and its contour follows. Maybe it’s the energies I’m starting to see like I did in the peyote, maybe we’ll understand where it takes us. The sensory enhancement is kind of cool, I hear a kind of buzzing noise, and people whispering far away beyond the walls. I hope it will help me with the hearing problem I have in one of my ears.”

“Everything you want, you can get! With a declaration, persistence and proficiency.”

“It’s almost 5pm. Juanita told me that when she came in to clean my vomit. I thought I will start this paragraph with ‘success!’ after eating a banana and the journey to the bathroom, which wasn’t that easy. I managed and got to the bathroom and back, but the last three steps I did too fast and awoke the demon that made me vomit all I had in me: one banana and a lot of water.”

“Everyone has a story, but only one has this story.”

“So basically, it is a voice in my head, a voice that I know. Which is myself speaking to me from a long time ago, maybe since ever. And thoughts pop up, moving, vanishing, talking to me in all the languages I speak. As a writer I have access to this voice, this is the voice that invents the stories, this inner skull resonance. And he is me, the same one who’s writing these words right now.”

“That’s it. It’s dark outside. Nienke came to say good bye before she goes. She sat with me for a while and I explained to her about the voice. She said astonished: ‘you have the voice of god in side your head!’
‘yes’, I answered, ‘because I am a god, and so are you, and so is any other human on the planet. In Hebrew the word for god is Elohim – which means gods, in plural – and we are all one, that’s why there is only one god who is many’. It touched her in a deep level and she took a big breath…”

“At 8pm while I scribble this unreadable hand writing Juanita comes in to offer some food. I eat some grapes, and there is a banana waiting for another attempt. Nienke told me that at night she had the most profound insights…”

“Being sick is when the body is in a fixing state, and to heal is to be recreated” (in Hebrew it works better)

“Chris came in to check on me before he goes to sleep. He told me he forgot to come play for me like he promised; he was too busy. He lit me the candle I asked from him and went to sleep. Definitely there is something very heart warming about those people here.”

“I managed to make my way to the bathroom and back without help. I was told I will probably won’t sleep at all, but I’ll try now and see what happens.”

“Family cocoon! I had a vision of a family of four enter some kind of a cocoon and it gave me an idea to do something like that with my family, whenever one of the family members needs it, he can call upon the other members, and it doesn’t matter where they are and how busy they are, they should oblige. Sit closely together, hold crossed hands and connect the heads together and feed on each other’s energy until the one that summoned the cocoon frees them all…”

“Each is scored in his own unique way.”

“I got up to pee and brush my teeth. The walking is not as hard, but still there are weird lines accompany the movements.”

“The sun rise is sprouting through the semi open window. I slept. I don’t know for how long, but there were at least three times I woke up to see that it is still dark outside. I slept and it pretty much freed me from the uncomfortable nausea. I’m still a bit wobbly on the way to the bathroom, but I did it much faster, almost normal speed.”

“Morning. I got up to make me some tea, and Juanita was just boiling the kettle. I sat drinking my tea in the sun and Felipe came out as well from his journey. He had a rougher ride; a lot of emotions flooded him. I shared with him the idea of a family cocoon and he shed some tears. He thanked me and returned to his room.”

Epilogue

The night was over. In a regular retreat the patients have two days of resting with some in door activities like talks with the crew about what they’ve been through, what they understood and visioned during the night, meditations, breathing exercises, massages, or like walks outside in the incredible nature around, in the village itself, and a Temazcal experience. Then they get a booster dose that takes them on a shorter quest, but usually more clear and profound. I would not get that, but I didn’t really feel like I needed it. At the end of the eight days they are sent on their way home, or in case of addiction to different center to continue their work, with the warning that “now begins the real work.”

They say the substance, or the spirit, or whatever it is that was opened in me, stays in the body and mind for a few good months. I feel like it was always with me, so I’m not sure how that could change. Now it is mostly depending on my attention and my intention and where I direct it. Barry came to see me and I hugged him. I did some yoga and meditation in the sun, enjoyed the pool for a while, and ate some breakfast (Chris cooked for me for a change). Since it was a Friday, I decided to make a challah bread. Chris said it was the first time ever someone came out of iboga and cooked for them. He told me he never saw anyone come out of it like I did.

So, maybe my journey is not a regular one. It doesn’t really represent the way most of the people go through it. The fact I was able to write during the night, that I even slept, and the way I came out in the morning are all unique, but as I shared during the night – it is my story and my unique way I’ve been through. People that saw me later that day said I look different, I have a new face. I am still under the spell, and will probably be for a while, but then again, I might have always been connected to the spirit of the Iboga, the Universe or God, and this voice, which was my intuition, led me through all of my life right up to this point.